Let them eat cake ...

I'm not quite sure why but I decided that cake baking would be an after school activity today. I was already shattered from helping out at our local parent and toddler music group this morning (as I was unencumbered by a child I got there early, set up, panicked that half the stuff was missing, located the stuff, prepared the snack, served the snack and tea and coffee and then cleared it all up again) as I've had a cold for a month now.

I think it was because we have lots of eggs - which were purchased with a promise of a baking frenzy which didn't happen as any spare moment I've had has been wrapped up in bed cuddling a paracetamol based hot cold remedy.

The topic of some baking was discussed in the car on the way home from school - mainly because of the sulk that had ensued from having to walk an extra 500 yards to the car as I couldn't get a space closer. In theory we could - and should - walk to and from school within about 35 minutes, however this involves walking past a parade of shops which would cost me a fortune in bribes to get him there/home.

Don't get me wrong I have baked with my son before - but it usually ends in disaster with us both losing our temper. However, I've mellowed of late. At half term I even suggested some alfresco painting in the sunshine and watched calmly whilst he spread paint everywhere! My OH's rant of 'what's THAT all over the drive' was met with a smile rather than my usual explanation of everything our son had done wrong that day. (It was later deduced that I had a fever.)

He does sometimes bake with his dad and quite often bakes with his grandma - without incident.

We just annoy each other.

As soon as I laid out the ingredients there was trouble.

S: Can I squish it like crumble?

Me: no, it's a cake.

S: (wails) but I want to squish it and then lick my fingers WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Me: okay how about you try breaking the eggs?

S: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ... can I lick the bowl?

Me: not while we're mixing the cake.

S: can I lick the spoon?

Me: no we need that to mix the cake.

S: but when can I eat it? I want to eat it.

Me: just be patient.

S takes a sneaky lick whilst I'm hunting for a cake tin AND bun cases - as whichever one I don't get out he will want to do. I can only find the 'new' loose bottomed cake tin (remember that - we'll return to it later).

S opted for BIG cake and was very happy to finally be able to lick the spoon.

For the next 40 minutes I had to cope with 'Can I eat the cake yet?' every 30 seconds. It wears you down, believe me.

When the cake was finally ready I whipped it out of the oven aiming to get it on the cooling rack out of reach. I held it on the bottom - which came loose, the side ring sliding down my arm. You can imagine the expletive as I threw the cake down and rushed to the cold tap.

Eventually cake was cool (though my arm was still on fire!) - I did the icing as I couldn't cope with the bowl licking again - and iced. Later we all had a share.

S: Muuuuuuum - Dad's got a purple sweet and I wanted the purple one WAHWAHWAHWAHWAH ...

Two's Company?

It's the Easter hols!

We're currently half way through the two week Easter holidays. I wasn't looking forward to it but at the 11th hour I ended up spending the last week looking after my 9 year old goddaughter as well as my 4 year old.

My friends with 3 children couldn't help but laugh as I turned up at our preorganized activities late, dishevelled, and in need of a coffee. I was barely audible as I squeaked 'It's hard work getting two ready' whilst they exchanged knowing looks.

My son loved it - someone to boss around and who wanted to play. The 9 year old got fed up of being bossed around and was starting to wane by the end of the week.

But we survived. I've often said to my friends with 3 'You're amazing, I don't know how you do it!' - now I'll be saying to those with 2 too.

The Knock Knock Joke

I'm about to embark on a 3 hour car journey en famille. To be followed tomorrow with an 8 hour car journey with the addition of my god daughter and her parents (ok she's not my 'god daughter' as it was a civil ceremony and I'm a 'significant adult' rather than god mother - but you get the picture).

I'm not looking forward to the journey. The main reason being that my son has discovered the knock knock joke.

It started at Christmas - who bought those blasted crackers? and has been resurrected recently with the comic relief joke book at school.

I leave you with one of his best:

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to see his friends.
Knock Knock Who's there? ME!!!!

The case of the missing pants ...

Today was always going to be rather hectic. I'm currently without a car - we noticed on Tuesday that the back door of my car was open and it wouldn't shut. It seems that I broke the catch on our return from swimming this week (a successful trip this week as we decided to move him to a less advanced class - he's happy when he's one of the most skilled in the group) we drove to a nearby garage (with the door tied with a shoelace) where it has sat for the last few days waiting for a part.

So my OH has been juggling his hours so that we can organise school runs and my parents have been helping out too. Today were were going to walk to school but I overslept and my son refused to dress or eat and my dad had to come to the rescue.

Now I have been quite determined recently that my son will dress himself - which can take hours. His peers with younger siblings have been doing it for a long time now and he is capable - it's just sometimes it is quicker to help him. I am usually in the same room with him as he dresses - dressing myself or sorting washing or putting toys away or checking emails, etc., etc. and can sort out any attempts to put on items of clothing inside out, upside down or back to front. Today was no different.

On arrival at school my son dashed ahead of me and dived down the slide outside his classroom - which was soaking wet! He was soaked to the skin all down the back of his trousers (his friends mother rather helpfully announced loudly that my son had 'wet himself' - she's also doled out advice that he should bribe people to be his friends by giving them sweets and that if anyone upsets him he should 'give 'em a whack' - I am hoping he makes new friends now he has widened his social circle). Not to worry - the school PE kit he keeps on his peg is just for this purpose. So we dashed to the front of the queue to get in, grabbed his bag and retreated to the far corner of the room where the easels stand. I quickly whipped off his shoes and his trousers only to discover HE WAS WEARING NO PANTS!

Now I am absolutely certain that he was wearing them as some point this morning as we went through the usual ritual of putting them on his head, putting them on back to front and then putting both legs in one side. The teachers, though amused, said there was nothing to worry about as it happens often (and they keep spares) but I was horrified.

Happy Blogaversary

Wow it's been a year since i started posting here about my trials and tribulations as a mum. And well, I haven't got any better at it. In fact this week I REALLY LOST my cool.

Readers of this blog will see this as a recurring theme - the swimming lesson. For 3 lesson's straight my son has refused to get into the pool for his lesson. All week he talks rationally about it. Yes he likes the teacher, yes he likes swimming, yes he wants the next badge, etc. But when we get there he just wants to play in the other side of the pool and not do the lesson.

the teacher suggested that this week I brought my stuff but didn't get changed - then as a reward for a good and attentive lesson I would change and play with him in the other side. We talked about this plan all week and yes he would 'try'.

On the drive to the pool he decided that it was 'not a good deal'. Then in the changing rooms when he realised I wasn't going to change the tears started. As a result we finally made it poolside when he lesson was just starting.

initially it looked good. He jumped in - then screamed and jumped out. I tried to put his goggles on - more screams.

He then petulantly pointed at the other side of the pool and said 'ay'.
I calmly repeated my mantra: when you've done your lesson, mummy will get changed and we'll play on the other side'.
NO!
Well we'll go home then, is that what you want to do.
(screams)
this repeated in various formats over 20 minutes until I eventually carried him out to the changing rooms.
He then ran back into the pool side and we repeated the process. Eventually I gave up and told the teacher I would call her and left.

Once he realised that he was being put back into his clothes and he wasn't going to get to play he then started screaming again - except this time 'wimmin'.

There was absolutely no way he could be persuaded to change his mind and he wasn't backing down and I had to be so strong not to back down and stick to my guns. The other members who were in the pool and spa probably wish I'd enforced the rule a little earlier but I really couldn't believe he wasn't going to get in and do his lesson.

I still have to ring the teacher ...

The affected baby speech is one of the things he knows annoys me as he's always been a good speaker.

So a year on the naughty step and we haven't cracked it yet. So you may still see me on one of those awful 'nanny' programmes ;-)

Lessons from my first week as a school mum

So we've just finished our first week at the school gates - and I'm already counting down till half term.

What have I learned so far?

Putting your child's name on his school sweatshirt doesn't stop it going home on the back of another kid.

Despite the letter sent home, the advice given on visits to school and the school prospectus - they change the rules!

If you have a child that REMEMBERS EVERYTHING it may take several days to get him to accept that they have changed the rules.

Jacket potato with baked beans and cheese will always be chosen over the other choices available (though he did have a break and had fish and potato wedges yesterday).

A book bag doesn't necessarily contain books.

You can watch TV on the whiteboard (it was about shapes)

Bullying is evident in 4 year olds (there were complaints of children being called 'fat' and 'smelly' this week).

Sponsorship forms are always available (he had his first on day 3!)

Deciding to fetch son on foot may backfire when he refuses to do the 30 minute walk and you end up carrying/dragging him and finally accepting a lift from a friend.

Oh no she didn't ....

Last weekend we took our son to his first ever Panto - Jack and the Beanstalk. At first he was frightened by the noise and wanted to go home but he soon go into it. Whilst still sitting on his daddy's knee he was doing what enquiring 4 year olds do - asking questions. Who's that man? Why is he wearing a dress? what are they doing now? As he was on his dad's knee he wasn't particularly loud and neither were his dad's answers - not when you consider that every 3rd or 4th seat in the theatre was taken up by an excited child.

Suddenly the woman in front of my son's, currently empty, seat turned round and said loudly 'could you be quiet? it is very distracting you know!' - when we'd recovered from the shock it hit me how bizarre her request was! She had 2 children with her - probably between 8 and 10 - who were quiet at the time of this request but got noisier as the performance went on with one repeatedly standing up in his seat so those of us behind couldn't see.

But pantos are for children aren't they? There were points where nothing could be heard on stage because of the excited chatter from children all around but that's part of the experience isn't it?

My son did eventually return to his seat and was enthralled by the performance. I did have to say LOUDLY when he was jumping in his seat to the music, 'Calm down, you might kick THAT LADY in the head so please sit still'. She didn't turn around again - though I'm sure he kicked the back of her seat a couple of times - and she stayed out of sight during the interval and rushed out at the end.

In the end I came to the following conclusions:

1. she'd never been to a panto before - possible though her sons, parents and husband seemed to know the form and shouted in all the right places.
2. she'd been badly misinformed and thought she was attending a highbrow performance that required absolute silence from the audience.
3. or, my current favorite, she had previously been a victim of the 'why?' stage and couldn't bear it - for that I give her sympathy but she needs to work on her tolerance as he'd only been going for 5 minutes - I usually last at least an hour before I snap and utter those immortal words: 'because I say so!'

Kids make noise, period - mine even talks in his sleep - as long as they are not using foul or abusive language or creating a nuisance they should be allowed to ask questions and experience the world. Yes he got a bit weepy and frightened at the start but witches are scary when you are 4 and think everything is real. Hopefully the woman in question will invest in better seats next year - perhaps a private box - so she doesn't have to deal with us riff-raff spoiling the performance ;-)