Back in the late 80s my dad worked for a company that had the contract for painting the Forth bridge. The story goes that because the bridge is so large and every area has to be painted it takes four year to complete. Once it has been completed they need to start at the beginning again. So the phrase 'a bit like painting the Forth bridge' has stuck in our family. (My parents are on their 4th house since that time and even though they only stayed for 3 years in one they have all been redecorated completely decorated at least twice).
Today we have friends coming to visit - one of my BFF (I am lucky enough to have a few - though they all now live a great distance from me - the furthest in New Zealand - and don't necessarily get on with each other) and her husband and daughter (who I'm also 'supporting adult' for - the equivalent to God parent in a civil naming ceremony). Now I don't know about your friends but with mine there is always a bit of 'keeping up appearances' involved - I may have told her the whys and wherefores of why my life is currently falling apart but I still want my house to look nice.
However, with a 4 year old at home it's, well - a bit like painting the Forth bridge. As fast as I get one room clean he's trashed two. As I've said before, cleaning is not my thing and my occasional forays have proved that if I clean it will just be a mess 10 minutes later. So preparation for a 'visit' lasts at least a week. If I say I've picked up books, CDs, DVDs, cuddly toys and pants off the floor at least 10 times a day for the last week you might get the picture!
At his grandparents this aversion to a clean house is the complete opposite. There is nothing he likes better than to help grandma mop the kitchen floor or grandad to vacuum the carpet (my father never used to vacuum but there is currently a standoff about the carpet - mum doesn't like it and wants to replace it is is refusing to clean it! - it is bright red and shows up every speck of dirt, plus they have a white long-haired cat!). Perhaps the fact is that my mum's house is always clean whereas mine is always 'lived in' and he can't bear them to be different from that. When I asked him why he kept making a mess he first blamed his imaginary friends (a baby elephant and a Kangaroo) then he said 'because it makes you cross'. Sometimes parenting is 'a bit like painting the Forth bridge'.
Friday, 15 August 2008
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Difficult Questions
My son has reached the stage where he's realised certain questions are embarrassing to his parents - ***warning this posts contains toilet humour and references to genitalia!**
A friend of mine is a foster carer and she once explained that they are trained that difficult questions are most often asked in the car where children don't have to make eye contact with you. This hasn't been our experience - most are asked in the bath or at the dinner table.
We started with talk of how he wanted a baby sister for his 4th birthday - as 2 of his friends had baby sisters and being the only child at nursery who is an only child he is feeling left out.
At the dinner table he announced - mummy where did you get me from? (my husband was heard chuckling as he ran from the room). I tried to be as honest as possible but I think (hoped?) that the answer was (it was so traumatic I blanked it out) something along the lines of a man and a woman being in love and wanting to share it with a child and having a special cuddle rather than the gooseberry bush flannel I was fed with. However he still seems to be under the impression that we can just go to the shop and buy one - and boy were we in trouble when one didn't appear for his birthday.
The next difficult question concerned where poo-poo came from. Again I launched into a description of how we eat food and the body uses it for energy and anything that is left over is ... well ... poo poo. I'm not sure why I can't just come out with the lines that I was fed - I seem to be unable to say anything but the truth -with the least description as possible (I know I've made a rod for my own back as he's already asked several questions about the detail which I have absolutely no clue of the answer!). I have come to regret this and I have, on at least 4 separate occasions, heard him repeat this information to others - usually complete strangers in a cafe or on a bus.
Then the part a boys body that they are always fascinated with regularly comes up in conversation. He's already quizzed his dad about it but then asked me too. His main concern was my assertion that I didn't have one.
Then his recent question - delivered for full effect just as I was leaving him at grandad's (who had a tough time coping with me breastfeeding let alone toilet questions) - if I didn't have one did the wee wee come out of my bottom? Bless him, my dad did try to explain but it got all confused so my son now has the conviction that 'mummy's telling fibs, she has one really ...'
On the plus side he used the word 'consistently' when talking about why our DVD player is giving up the ghost - which I thought was pretty good for a 4 year old, hmm, wonder if he can spell it.
A friend of mine is a foster carer and she once explained that they are trained that difficult questions are most often asked in the car where children don't have to make eye contact with you. This hasn't been our experience - most are asked in the bath or at the dinner table.
We started with talk of how he wanted a baby sister for his 4th birthday - as 2 of his friends had baby sisters and being the only child at nursery who is an only child he is feeling left out.
At the dinner table he announced - mummy where did you get me from? (my husband was heard chuckling as he ran from the room). I tried to be as honest as possible but I think (hoped?) that the answer was (it was so traumatic I blanked it out) something along the lines of a man and a woman being in love and wanting to share it with a child and having a special cuddle rather than the gooseberry bush flannel I was fed with. However he still seems to be under the impression that we can just go to the shop and buy one - and boy were we in trouble when one didn't appear for his birthday.
The next difficult question concerned where poo-poo came from. Again I launched into a description of how we eat food and the body uses it for energy and anything that is left over is ... well ... poo poo. I'm not sure why I can't just come out with the lines that I was fed - I seem to be unable to say anything but the truth -with the least description as possible (I know I've made a rod for my own back as he's already asked several questions about the detail which I have absolutely no clue of the answer!). I have come to regret this and I have, on at least 4 separate occasions, heard him repeat this information to others - usually complete strangers in a cafe or on a bus.
Then the part a boys body that they are always fascinated with regularly comes up in conversation. He's already quizzed his dad about it but then asked me too. His main concern was my assertion that I didn't have one.
Then his recent question - delivered for full effect just as I was leaving him at grandad's (who had a tough time coping with me breastfeeding let alone toilet questions) - if I didn't have one did the wee wee come out of my bottom? Bless him, my dad did try to explain but it got all confused so my son now has the conviction that 'mummy's telling fibs, she has one really ...'
On the plus side he used the word 'consistently' when talking about why our DVD player is giving up the ghost - which I thought was pretty good for a 4 year old, hmm, wonder if he can spell it.
Tuesday, 5 August 2008
Is there a Guinness World Record Entry for the Longest Tantrum?
If there isn't then my son may well make the first entry today!
I thought tantrums were the trademark of the 'terrible twos' not once a child reached four. His capacity to scream seems to outlive his ability to remember why he started in the first place.
After an afternoon with grandad he was reluctant to leave as he wanted to see grandma. So when I picked him up at 5pm he started to scream. Protestations that grandma was at work, that she'd got the day off tomorrow to spend the whole day with him and that she wouldn't be back until after bedtime went on deaf ears as he continued to howl.
The usual tactic of tickles raised a few smiles but the howling didn't stop - though a couple of times it subsided into deep heaving sobs. Eventually he was lulled by the motion of the car to sleep. However we all know a child that falls asleep before dinner is likely to wake at 2am having had a full rest and demand breakfast. Upon waking the howling started again - even before he opened his eyes. My mum rang to check he was okay after dad's report of the tantrum upon leaving their house - he was still inconsolable, couldn't hear her on the phone over his own sobs. Traumatised my mum jumped in the car for the 20 minute drive to my house. He just about calmed down to deep sobs again when she arrived and finally settled to eat his dinner. A 2 hour long tantrum (plus a sleep in the middle) has to be a record - OH has repaired to the pub, mum has gone safely home, kiddo is still running around upstairs and I've just consumed the biggest bowl of ice cream. Let's hope he doesn't make a habit of it.
I thought tantrums were the trademark of the 'terrible twos' not once a child reached four. His capacity to scream seems to outlive his ability to remember why he started in the first place.
After an afternoon with grandad he was reluctant to leave as he wanted to see grandma. So when I picked him up at 5pm he started to scream. Protestations that grandma was at work, that she'd got the day off tomorrow to spend the whole day with him and that she wouldn't be back until after bedtime went on deaf ears as he continued to howl.
The usual tactic of tickles raised a few smiles but the howling didn't stop - though a couple of times it subsided into deep heaving sobs. Eventually he was lulled by the motion of the car to sleep. However we all know a child that falls asleep before dinner is likely to wake at 2am having had a full rest and demand breakfast. Upon waking the howling started again - even before he opened his eyes. My mum rang to check he was okay after dad's report of the tantrum upon leaving their house - he was still inconsolable, couldn't hear her on the phone over his own sobs. Traumatised my mum jumped in the car for the 20 minute drive to my house. He just about calmed down to deep sobs again when she arrived and finally settled to eat his dinner. A 2 hour long tantrum (plus a sleep in the middle) has to be a record - OH has repaired to the pub, mum has gone safely home, kiddo is still running around upstairs and I've just consumed the biggest bowl of ice cream. Let's hope he doesn't make a habit of it.
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Bouncy Castles Okay Again?
Today's news that Mr and Mrs Perry have won their appeal has given me a little bit of relief. One of the many joys of childhood are jumping on a bouncy castle (and I've heard adults enjoy it too).
The news that the Perry's had been found liable came just as I was considering to book a castle for my son's birthday party - I have to admit that I didn't make that booking but I have allowed my son to go on a bouncy castle over the Summer (under strict supervision of course).
The voluntary group I belong to were organising summer parties for children and parents up and down the country and were initially told that they were covered under insurance for bouncy castles (as long as all paperwork and risk assessment checks had been made) but then the insurers withdrew their insurance unless we paid an extra premium - which amounted to more than our local event actually made 2 weeks ago.
I have every sympathy with Sam Harris and his family and obviously his care needs to be paid for but is this another example of how litigious our times are and the feeling that there always has to be someone to blame?
The news that the Perry's had been found liable came just as I was considering to book a castle for my son's birthday party - I have to admit that I didn't make that booking but I have allowed my son to go on a bouncy castle over the Summer (under strict supervision of course).
The voluntary group I belong to were organising summer parties for children and parents up and down the country and were initially told that they were covered under insurance for bouncy castles (as long as all paperwork and risk assessment checks had been made) but then the insurers withdrew their insurance unless we paid an extra premium - which amounted to more than our local event actually made 2 weeks ago.
I have every sympathy with Sam Harris and his family and obviously his care needs to be paid for but is this another example of how litigious our times are and the feeling that there always has to be someone to blame?
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
My son, the exhibitionist
Yesterday will be noted down in our family history as 'one of those days'.
My husband has escaped for a few days sitting by a lake, drinking beer, eating beans out of a can and hoping to catch fish (only to throw them back again).
So I thought son and I could do something 'nice' together. We'd had a strained relationship over the past 24 hours after I'd picked him up from an overnight stay at his grandparents and discovered that my father was now sporting a gash on his forehead sustained when a metal bucket full of sand was flung at him in protest of leaving the park that afternoon.
So it was a hot day and we went swimming. His lessons were cancelled for the holidays but as we were there at around the same time as his usual lesson a few of his friends from classes were there too. We had a great time jumping and splashing and racing up and down the pool. Time got on and '5 minutes more' was repeated several times. I could see he was tired and could barely hold his head above the water so I finally put my foot down and carried him out of the pool. Reaction: SCREAMS.
I quickly judged that the poolside showers would be no good as he'd simply run back to the pool - we'd been there before so I headed for the lockable cubicles. I don't know where my strength came from as he's now almost 3 stone and every time I resort to carrying him I end up with a bad back for a few days.
In the cubicle shower he yelled, repeatably, 'No not that one the other one' in such a wail that I'm sure the other people in the changing room were very intrigued as to what was going on.
And then it happened. I let him out of my grasp for a second and he unlocked the door bounded down the corridor, pushed open the heavy door into the pool area (that he'd previously never been able to open, even an hour beforehand), ran into the pool area and headed down the steps into the warer - COMPLETELY NAKED!
I didn't help matters as I ran after him shouting 'noooooooooo' (in my head we were all in slow motion) though I caught him before he actually jumped in and carried him back. He ceased crying for about 10 seconds when we put our swimwear in the spinner (a ritual that he obviously will hold to even mid tantrum) to dry. Then he started the 'I want a treat' rant which continued whilst we got dressed, out to the car and in the car until he fell asleep just before we got home. I kept my cool until we were home, woke him up and then I let rip.
So somewhere along the line someone will be calling social services but now I look back the sight of my 4 year old's bare behind as he made a dash for the pool was quite hilarious and most people in the pool were laughing. I don't think I'll be able to make the trip on my own again.
If only I could just kick back and disappear for a few days - though a spa with the girls beats sitting in a thunderstorm in the hope of catching a fish (which he did, by the way, so he's very happy).
My husband has escaped for a few days sitting by a lake, drinking beer, eating beans out of a can and hoping to catch fish (only to throw them back again).
So I thought son and I could do something 'nice' together. We'd had a strained relationship over the past 24 hours after I'd picked him up from an overnight stay at his grandparents and discovered that my father was now sporting a gash on his forehead sustained when a metal bucket full of sand was flung at him in protest of leaving the park that afternoon.
So it was a hot day and we went swimming. His lessons were cancelled for the holidays but as we were there at around the same time as his usual lesson a few of his friends from classes were there too. We had a great time jumping and splashing and racing up and down the pool. Time got on and '5 minutes more' was repeated several times. I could see he was tired and could barely hold his head above the water so I finally put my foot down and carried him out of the pool. Reaction: SCREAMS.
I quickly judged that the poolside showers would be no good as he'd simply run back to the pool - we'd been there before so I headed for the lockable cubicles. I don't know where my strength came from as he's now almost 3 stone and every time I resort to carrying him I end up with a bad back for a few days.
In the cubicle shower he yelled, repeatably, 'No not that one the other one' in such a wail that I'm sure the other people in the changing room were very intrigued as to what was going on.
And then it happened. I let him out of my grasp for a second and he unlocked the door bounded down the corridor, pushed open the heavy door into the pool area (that he'd previously never been able to open, even an hour beforehand), ran into the pool area and headed down the steps into the warer - COMPLETELY NAKED!
I didn't help matters as I ran after him shouting 'noooooooooo' (in my head we were all in slow motion) though I caught him before he actually jumped in and carried him back. He ceased crying for about 10 seconds when we put our swimwear in the spinner (a ritual that he obviously will hold to even mid tantrum) to dry. Then he started the 'I want a treat' rant which continued whilst we got dressed, out to the car and in the car until he fell asleep just before we got home. I kept my cool until we were home, woke him up and then I let rip.
So somewhere along the line someone will be calling social services but now I look back the sight of my 4 year old's bare behind as he made a dash for the pool was quite hilarious and most people in the pool were laughing. I don't think I'll be able to make the trip on my own again.
If only I could just kick back and disappear for a few days - though a spa with the girls beats sitting in a thunderstorm in the hope of catching a fish (which he did, by the way, so he's very happy).
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Four Birthday Parties and Five Cakes
For the few that follow me on Twitter you will be aware that I have been agonising over birthday parties for weeks. There is the added complication that my son decided to arrive 10 days late, on the day before MY birthday. Therefore we expect a lot of family involvement and toing and froing between grandparents. This year was different - my OH couldn't get out of work and when he mentioned 'helping' at the party to his mum she suddenly couldn't make the trip. Somehow we ended up with every conceivable type of party - four in all.
The first
Day of son's birthday - opened a few presents, took cake (number 1) to nursery so they had a little party. Picked him up at 11.30am (I thought to go straight out but it wasn't to be), went home because 'Auntie living in Australia' was on the phone, then spoke to Paternal Grandma, Great Auntie, Maternal Grandma, Paternal Grandad and then refused to speak to Maternal Grandad as he was too tired. Then we ended up in Toys'r'us because son refused to go to the cinema - he was then bribed with the largest Thomas toy he could find if he agreed to go to the cinema :-). We went to see Kung Fu Panda - luckily there were only 4 other people in the cinema so he wasn't too disruptive in his demands for sweets and trips to the toilet - he's quoted bits so I think he enjoyed it. Then a pizza and home to play with the expensive toy - does it surprise you that he was still awake at 10pm?
Minor catastrophe when discovered friend I was paying to do son's official party cake (number 2) couldn't finish it because her son was in hospital - so didn't cut the cake I'd made for the parties (yes 2!) the next day.
The Second
MY birthday - son was a bit put out and opened a few of my presents for me. Then he went to nursery whilst I had a short lie in and then flew around the house trying to toddler proof it for the 'yummy mummy' lunch. the phone didn't stop ringing and ended up with 9 mums and 13 children (from 8 weeks-4 years old) when I was only expecting 3 mums - I hadn't even met 2 of them before! As I opened the front door to the first car load the heavens opened so the plan to let the kids run round in the garden, quite literally, went out of the window. I ended up spending most of my time stopping the toddlers putting the educational fridge magnets in the kitchen bin, making endless cups of tea and cutting up healthy fruit. My OH had dashed out for an emergency sponge cake (cake number 3) and the friend who had been making one (a Lightning McQueen one no less) turned up with an apology and a chocolate Swiss roll. Thankfully her son is okay but he will have to have treatment for a few years so she got a hug rather than tears from me. I may have damaged my position in the yummy mummy group (or perhaps reinforced it) as when I was informed that the older children were upstairs eating toothpaste I replied 'at least their teeth will be clean'. My son has reliably informed me that it was HER daughter who started it. Needless to say I was dreading the mess but was pleasantly surprised when I finally ventured upstairs - despite toys being everywhere there were no disasters.
The Third
Had half an hour to clear away and relax before heading over to mums for MY birthday party. My Aunt and uncle, mum and dad and other aunt and her kids all had dinner together and it was a really nice evening. We were hanging around for my sister but she rang there at 8.30pm to say she'd not even left home - 190 miles away! It was nice and relaxed and mum spoilt me - even getting me a cake (number 4)!
The Fourth
The official party! At a big soft play centre, with food and a disco! I'd booked 10.30am (the 11.30am eating at 12.30pm slot had already gone). My sister hadn't arrived until 2am but she was up and came along to help - it wasn't needed (in fact mum, dad, my sister and her boyfriend sat on their comfy sofas and read the papers. In all there were 15 children and it cost me £130 - they had an hour on the equipment and then were marched around the place to go to the party room, the staff dished out the food and brought in the cake (yep number 5 - which should have been number 2) and then we went into the disco room where the staff led the games before (finally) they had another 15 minutes on the equipment before it was time to give out the party bags. They held onto the presents and even provided the party bags. (know we spent much more than that on our little party at home last year.
We then headed back to mums to open the presents and i left him there with Hannah to head off for my birthday surprise which was tadadadatadadaaa ... a night on a canal boat (floating hotel) in the centre of Sheffield. My OH had a hidden agenda as he really wants to have a canal boat holiday. I knew this so spent the whole time imagining our son careering around the boat rather than enjoying it for what it was. I also have a terrible cold and a hacking cough so every time I coughed I rocked the boat. I ended up having about 2 hours sleep and spending the rest of the time knitting in the living area. Ooh and pretending I didn't need the loo as that definitely wasn't a pleasant experience.
So another year older - and probably a stone heavier with all that cake! - and I think I'll book the soft play centre again next year, that's if 5 year olds are still into brightly coloured foam and slides ...
The first
Day of son's birthday - opened a few presents, took cake (number 1) to nursery so they had a little party. Picked him up at 11.30am (I thought to go straight out but it wasn't to be), went home because 'Auntie living in Australia' was on the phone, then spoke to Paternal Grandma, Great Auntie, Maternal Grandma, Paternal Grandad and then refused to speak to Maternal Grandad as he was too tired. Then we ended up in Toys'r'us because son refused to go to the cinema - he was then bribed with the largest Thomas toy he could find if he agreed to go to the cinema :-). We went to see Kung Fu Panda - luckily there were only 4 other people in the cinema so he wasn't too disruptive in his demands for sweets and trips to the toilet - he's quoted bits so I think he enjoyed it. Then a pizza and home to play with the expensive toy - does it surprise you that he was still awake at 10pm?
Minor catastrophe when discovered friend I was paying to do son's official party cake (number 2) couldn't finish it because her son was in hospital - so didn't cut the cake I'd made for the parties (yes 2!) the next day.
The Second
MY birthday - son was a bit put out and opened a few of my presents for me. Then he went to nursery whilst I had a short lie in and then flew around the house trying to toddler proof it for the 'yummy mummy' lunch. the phone didn't stop ringing and ended up with 9 mums and 13 children (from 8 weeks-4 years old) when I was only expecting 3 mums - I hadn't even met 2 of them before! As I opened the front door to the first car load the heavens opened so the plan to let the kids run round in the garden, quite literally, went out of the window. I ended up spending most of my time stopping the toddlers putting the educational fridge magnets in the kitchen bin, making endless cups of tea and cutting up healthy fruit. My OH had dashed out for an emergency sponge cake (cake number 3) and the friend who had been making one (a Lightning McQueen one no less) turned up with an apology and a chocolate Swiss roll. Thankfully her son is okay but he will have to have treatment for a few years so she got a hug rather than tears from me. I may have damaged my position in the yummy mummy group (or perhaps reinforced it) as when I was informed that the older children were upstairs eating toothpaste I replied 'at least their teeth will be clean'. My son has reliably informed me that it was HER daughter who started it. Needless to say I was dreading the mess but was pleasantly surprised when I finally ventured upstairs - despite toys being everywhere there were no disasters.
The Third
Had half an hour to clear away and relax before heading over to mums for MY birthday party. My Aunt and uncle, mum and dad and other aunt and her kids all had dinner together and it was a really nice evening. We were hanging around for my sister but she rang there at 8.30pm to say she'd not even left home - 190 miles away! It was nice and relaxed and mum spoilt me - even getting me a cake (number 4)!
The Fourth
The official party! At a big soft play centre, with food and a disco! I'd booked 10.30am (the 11.30am eating at 12.30pm slot had already gone). My sister hadn't arrived until 2am but she was up and came along to help - it wasn't needed (in fact mum, dad, my sister and her boyfriend sat on their comfy sofas and read the papers. In all there were 15 children and it cost me £130 - they had an hour on the equipment and then were marched around the place to go to the party room, the staff dished out the food and brought in the cake (yep number 5 - which should have been number 2) and then we went into the disco room where the staff led the games before (finally) they had another 15 minutes on the equipment before it was time to give out the party bags. They held onto the presents and even provided the party bags. (know we spent much more than that on our little party at home last year.
We then headed back to mums to open the presents and i left him there with Hannah to head off for my birthday surprise which was tadadadatadadaaa ... a night on a canal boat (floating hotel) in the centre of Sheffield. My OH had a hidden agenda as he really wants to have a canal boat holiday. I knew this so spent the whole time imagining our son careering around the boat rather than enjoying it for what it was. I also have a terrible cold and a hacking cough so every time I coughed I rocked the boat. I ended up having about 2 hours sleep and spending the rest of the time knitting in the living area. Ooh and pretending I didn't need the loo as that definitely wasn't a pleasant experience.
So another year older - and probably a stone heavier with all that cake! - and I think I'll book the soft play centre again next year, that's if 5 year olds are still into brightly coloured foam and slides ...
Monday, 7 July 2008
The holidays are coming
I spent 3 1/2 hours in a fundraising meeting yesterday morning and I'm in charge of the children's craft stalls so I'll probably try making some of Sarah's play dough - there's a link at the end of her post to her book of play recipes which might come in handy over the school holidays.
So far today I've confiscated several games and threatened to cancel his birthday on Thursday and his party on Saturday (dangerous as I can't follow through) but tonight he was asleep before 9pm (he was still awake at 11pm on Saturday - despite being put to bed at 7!).
Tomorrow I am tackling the train cake - the air might be blue!
So far today I've confiscated several games and threatened to cancel his birthday on Thursday and his party on Saturday (dangerous as I can't follow through) but tonight he was asleep before 9pm (he was still awake at 11pm on Saturday - despite being put to bed at 7!).
Tomorrow I am tackling the train cake - the air might be blue!
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